AK Phone Home

Total Disconnect

I knew it was too good to be true.  I don't often speak in the negative, but after this October and November, I feel I've earned the right.  The highs and lows have been something I could only equate to a rollercoaster ride. 

I wouldn't even be telling you all this except like in any good sex scene there's the build up and then the climax.  I climaxed today, only not the way you think.

Tools of the Trade

You'd never expect a carpenter to work without hammer, right?  And while a strip club doesn't require a pole, it just wouldn't be the same without one - there would be no spinning and hanging upside down and all the other stuff that attract guys to strip clubs.  Am I right?  There are just certain things that go together and there are certainly some vocations that require certain equipment - and without that equipment, they'd basically be rendered helpless.  So this afternoon, when my phone connection started crashing on the rocks; I was like a sailor with a beached ship.  Basically, I was stranded.

And why would this happen today, because I was planning on being on the phone all weekend.  With everyone getting ready for Thanksgiving (in the U.S.) on Thursday, this weekend was doomed to be a bust when it came to hanging out with my pals - and since all I'm doing for Thanksgiving is making cookies and bringing them to someone's house, I decided I'd stay home, catch up on some chores, empty my DVR of all of its unwatched recordings and chat on the phone.  And it was going so well.  That should have been my first clue.

The phone was actually busy on Friday - that has never been a night that was worth sticking around for.  But logic said, well, since half the people I know are busy getting ready for Thanksgiving, it stands to reason that the other half of the people I know would probably be home and possibly bored and/or horny - I was right.  Mr. Spock would be proud of how I came to that logical conclusion.

So, here I am this morning - up early and I sign on as usual for a Saturday morning.  Unless I have to run out the door for some reason, Saturday mornings are typically a good day to start off slow and sexy.  I had just gotten off a very long call of simply intoxicating conversation, and I thought okay maybe I'll go heat up the coffee, when the phone rang again.  Okay, I can go thirsty for a few minutes (my phone is a land line attached to a modem).  So many people have trouble with connections on NF I figured heck, I'll just get a corded phone and get the best possible connection.  Wrong.

I answer the phone and it's this guy I've only known for a couple of months.  Some people are very specific and I get that - this guy's thing is that I can moan and breath and giggle a little, but I can't speak - not a word.  He was very pleased with my ability to keep my mouth shut, as anyone who knows me would be, and it's been this great arrangement for a while.  That is until today.

Oh, I forgot, there is only one thing that I'm allowed to say and when he cues me, I say it.  He doesn't want much, so I'm happy to say it for him.  Today as I'm doing my thing (or not doing anything), he says it ... the cue.  Without hesitation I respond.  There's silence.  I can't even hear him breath.  Later I would come to guess that he was seething with anger and probably unable to form a sound while his pressure built up inside. 

Oh, yeah, I should probably go back to the first day we met.  He told me that no one else on NF had been able to satisfy him and/or they would laugh at him and tell him they wouldn't play along 'cause it was boring.  I personally find quiet men interesting, but okay.  He then told me that I was his last attempt at availing himself of the NF experience; if it didn't work out, he was gone - for good.  I had the weight of this guys future phone sexcapades resting on my shoulders, but I carried it.  It was my duty and it was my pleasure.  Plus I didn't want to be the straw that broke the camel's back.  It's not a way I'd like to be remembered.

Apparently, since we've been friends for months, he was pleased - and so was I.  It was a mutually beneficial arrangement - and I found him rather unique and interesting as well.  I admire a guy who doesn't run with the pack. 

So, back to the magic cue ... like I said, after I responded ... silence.  If it were still summer I might have heard the crickets outside, but its not and I didn't - there was only silence. 

He eventually spoke.  Quiet perturbed, he said, "Fine. I knew it.  If you can't say it, if you're not going to respond, then I'm done and I won't be calling again."  Click. 

I held the phone in my hand and stared at it for about two minutes until I finally hung up.  I sent him a "what the heck" email peppered with an apology.  He is the client after all and the client is always right, right?  But the New Yorker in me wanted to really say, "What the fuck!?" which would probably be followed by a "No one hangs up on me!"  I was torn, but after the month I've had - or couple of months really, I'm stronger now and I was able to shrug it off.  I had sent my email and I was willing to let the cards fall where they may.  What other choice did I really have?

I really needed my coffee now.  So, as I hop off the bed and start towards the door, cup in hand, the phone rings again.  Far be it from me to look a gift horse in the mouth, the phone's ringing and that's what I signed on for ... I put the cup down and answered the phone.  It's an old friend who hasn't called in a long while.

Communication Breakdown - It's Never the Same

Unfortunately, the connection wasn't good - on any level.  Sometimes it happens, you part for a while and when you come back, something's changed - it might be just for that moment, it might be the way it's going to be from now on ... but it happens.  I know I've changed since we last talked. 

The communication problem was only compounded by ... the communication problem.  We made up through email and promised each other we'd speak again soon, but now I was left feeling exhausted.  Earlier I had a great call that lasted for more than an hour, followed by a guy who may never have phone sex again because of me, followed by a call I never expected and now wish had never happened.

I signed off and signed back on again trying to see if that was the answer to the communication problem - one more call came through and it seemed that it might have in fact been the NF connection that was screwed up, but I wasn't taking any chances.  It became clear that it was time to move into the cordless world again.  I used to use my cell phone for NF, but it's an impossibility here in this apartment.  I barely get two bars when I'm home.  It's the reason I got a phone in the first place - a land line that is.

So I signed off and hopped in my car and parlayed some of today's earnings into a new phone.  It can't work any worse than a slimline phone that's attached to the jack, and now I'll be a little more mobile if the situation calls for it.  No, I will not be going outside naked in this cold, in the heat of summer or at any other time for that matter - it's just that I'll just be able to get a hot cup of coffee while I'm waiting on hold or if I'm in between calls. 

It's charging as we speak - the manual, which you know I always read, says it needs 24 hours to charge.  I'm hoping not.  But I do plan on signing on soon, so it's either a slimline and a prayer or a whole new experience. 

So if you're game, I do hope you'll join me tonight - I also plan on being here tomorrow as well.  By then, the new phone should be working properly.  Now, I have to get back to my NF site and make sure I'm positioned well in the bid wars - a story for another day.  Talk to you soon I hope.